Updated: Apr 6
And here's 3 reasons the answer should be NO
I think society has trained us to say ‘yes’ to everything. And if we don’t…we’re considered selfish. I mean, why would you say ‘no’ if it’s something you’re able to do? There are several reasons why! This is something I’m only recently realizing and making a conscious effort on. As a people pleaser all my life and having a profound fear of disappointing people, I have always said yes. To almost everything! Even if I knew it would not be good for me. Whether I was sick, didn’t have the time, money, energy, you name it…I still said yes. All that did was create exhaustion, feelings of unhappiness, and resentment. And time feels like such a priceless gift, I treasure it more than ever now. So spending time and energy doing things we don’t want to do is not the way we should live our lives.
Before we get into the 3 reasons why you should say ‘no’ I have a disclaimer. 🙂 I believe we should do things for other people and help regularly, in any way we can. But we should be able to do it without attachments, without negativity, and without resentment. Otherwise, are we really helping?
This leads me to 3 reasons why you should say “NO”.
What is your intention for saying ‘yes’?
We have to ask ourselves, why am I saying ‘yes’? Is it because I truly want to help? Or am I filing an emotional need? Or do I feel obligated or guilty? The latter are not good reasons to say yes. They carry low vibrations and can breed negativity and resentment. If you can work through the internal dialogue and release those feelings of guilt, obligation, or emotional need-great! Now it’s a win-win! You’ve worked through a negative pattern AND you can now help someone!
Just pause before saying ‘yes’ to ask yourself…what is my intention behind this ‘yes’. And if it doesn’t feel right…with kindness and compassion, say ‘no’.
Do you have the energy to give?
So often we say yes to things we have no business saying yes to. We know we’re exhausted. We know we’re not feeling well or we had other plans that really need to be done. But…we tell ourselves a story of how we’re being selfish or not a good friend/co-worker/etc if we say ‘no’. So we say ‘yes’. And then pay the consequences.
Before saying ‘yes’ ask yourself…”do I have the energy to give (emotionally, mentally, physically)?” And if the answer is ‘”no I don’t”, it’s okay to say ‘no’ with kindness and compassion.
If we ‘yes’ ourselves to exhaustion (in all its forms) we end up being no good for anybody! We can’t give 100% if we don’t feel 100%. Know your limits and take care of yourself so you can say ‘yes’ and take care of other people.
Is saying ‘yes’ in alignment with who you are?
Often times, we say ‘yes’ even to things we don’t agree on. I’m not talking about lovingly supporting a friend who has a different point of view than yours. That’s different and a beautiful thing to do! I’m talking about things we say yes to that nag at us before, during, and after. Things that aren’t just opinions or tastes we disagree on. Things that feel out of alignment with our core beliefs.
If saying ‘yes’ to something feels ‘wrong’ or out of alignment with who you are then, the answer should be ‘no’. If saying ‘yes’ will have you feeling uncomfortable with who you’re aligning with…the answer should be ‘no’.
It is not selfish to say no. Yes, we should always help others. Yes, we should support our friends and family. But sometimes, we need to be a friend to ourselves, we need to support ourselves. And that means that sometimes…we need to say NO. And that’s okay!
Just be sure that ‘no’ is delivered with kindness, compassion, and love.